I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
