Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize