Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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