you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
