DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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