Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
