It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
