While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
