you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
