Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
