Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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