i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
