when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
