blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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