The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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