My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize