The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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