im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
