Me too!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
