he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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