I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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