then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
