he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
