Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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