Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
