Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize