I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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