This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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