I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
