why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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