It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
