You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize