He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize