Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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