You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
