dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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