I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
