Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
