two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i think i just lost a toe
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
