i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
