He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
