My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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