I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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