That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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