Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
