"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
