Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I want to fling myself into the sun
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
