Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
