WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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