I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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