Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
