I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
