Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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