ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
