Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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