well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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