Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
