i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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