Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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