i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My legs feel like baby dolphins
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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