I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
