so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
