Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize