Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
