chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
