Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
