I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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