i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
