I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
