I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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