Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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