I faked an abortion last night.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
