i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
