He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
