did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have fence marks all over my body
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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