seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
