I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
