I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
