She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
