So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
