Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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