How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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