If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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