So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
