In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
