if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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