we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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