Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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