Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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